


너 때문에 살았어

by kanatashi



Category: Psychopath Diary (TV)
Genre: Dark, Denial of Feelings, Eating Disorders, High School, M/M, Mention of Death, Set in the mid 90s, Touch-Starved, Violence, i'll add more tags the further we get along, maybe a bit ooc, teenage angst, this is set when the boys were teenagers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-26
Updated: 2020-05-22
Packaged: 2021-02-27 13:20:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 7
Words: 11,286
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22417633
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kanatashi/pseuds/kanatashi
Summary: when dongsik appears in inwoo's life, a lot of things doesn't go the way it should go.
Relationships: Seo Inwoo/Yook Dongsik
Comments: 65
Kudos: 130





	1. 회의

Seo Inwoo doesn’t have friends.

That doesn’t mean his eyes glance over to the door to his classroom which opens after his teacher had babbled on about something useless as always. His eyes don’t miss the unfamiliar boy standing awkwardly outside his classroom with an equally as awkward smile.

Inwoo doesn’t believe that curiosity killed the cat. Being curious is how life works.

The boy enters and bows to them all. His eye-smile and messed up hair disgust Inwoo. People should know how to dress well these days he thinks.

“Ah, Dongsik, come forward,” The lousy teacher calls out to the unfamiliar boy and the forementioned boy nods and steps forward, ending up standing beside the teacher.

“Introduce yourself,” The teacher commands loudly and Inwoo sees the boy jump at the loud words but forces himself to smile. 

Inwoo feigns disinterest when the boy introduces himself, Yook Dong Sik, as his name goes, but it all feels very off.

Like the boy is acting very fake, that everything he does is at his command. It surprises Inwoo that he could notice it. But it’s so obvious. It kinda bothers Inwoo.

Nobody can be trusted in this world and Inwoo already knows. That’s why he stops listening to the new student and stares outside the window. Why should he care?

“Dongsik, you can sit beside Inwoo. He doesn’t have a seatmate yet,” The lousy teacher grabs Inwoo’s attention immediately by those words and he internally groans. He didn’t think that through.

Dongsik stares right through Inwoo’s eyes when walking towards their seats like he’s searching for something Inwoo doesn’t know about yet. He breaks it by looking out of the window to ignore the other male.

The new boy doesn’t say anything to Inwoo when he sits beside him, unpacking his stuff. It’s like he could feel Inwoo’s anger seething out from him. Instead, the new boy (Dongsik. Inwoo needs to remember his name) only gives him a small strained very fake smile. 

Inwoo doesn’t smile back. He never does, since there’s no meaning behind it. It all disgusts him anyway.

It doesn’t take long for the new boy to settle down during the lessons and Inwoo watches the time quickly pass, the same teachers and the same students making his time worthless.

The new boy never moves during the entire school day, his head only facing forward no matter what lesson or teacher it is. It feels like the student is in a trance, completely disconnected.

Inwoo doesn’t think much of it (since he’s unimportant) and his want to show the new student a lesson of an unfair life only grows. All of these students in the classroom are worthless with the fact that he’s gonna be the inherited director of a huge company when he gets out. 

Maybe it’s for the fact that Dongsik (the name tastes disgustingly sweet to him) is sitting beside him is what makes the hatred flare up for common people. Or for the fact that he dared to stare right into Inwoo.

The boy in question never turns to him as time goes on. Even with pair assignments, Dongsik stays quiet and so does Inwoo. The lousy teachers don’t question them either.

Dialogue doesn’t happen regularly in Inwoo’s life and it scares him that Dongsik can know that from only looking at him.

“You should go around the school, you know, to check it out,” Inwoo says out of nowhere during their short break, the boy sitting and rolling his thumbs.

Dongsik’s head snaps towards Inwoo, who internally smiles at the attention given. The boy stares right into his eyes like he’s trying to figure Inwoo out.

But only to smile at the end and nod. 

“I won’t, I already know the things I need to know, but thank you,” Dongsik answers with his straining smile. The answer was unexpected to Inwoo, who had expected a small “yes” and a nod. The unknown boy might just be a bit daring in life if he dares to speak against Inwoo.

Dongsik turns his head away from Inwoo, obviously not going to pay attention if Inwoo decides to speak to him again. The short conversation leaves dissatisfaction in Inwoo. It’s like the new boy has heavy guarded doors against Inwoo ever speaking to him specifically.

He shouldn’t associate himself with such people. Common people. His father would be angry that it could tarnish his public image and Inwoo is determined to get the company into his hands.

But that doesn’t stop him from putting his hand on Dongsik’s shoulder and feel the boy’s muscles tense up at the touch.

Dongsik brushes the hand off of his shoulder and Inwoo could see the neutral look on his face when meeting Inwoo’s eyes.

“I’m Seo Inwoo if you didn’t know me,” He says, but he’s sure Dongsik knows who he is unless he lives under a rock.

“Ah, I didn’t know. I think you have a nice name,” Dongsik replies and Inwoo could feel himself getting surprised. It’s rare that somebody hasn’t seen his face on the news or the TV. 

It feels like he’s dissociating himself from reality. Like he hasn’t ever stumbled upon such a situation he’s currently presented with. Dongsik doesn’t care that he has a lot of money and power. He doesn’t even know that. He’s someone that Inwoo can’t play with as easily.

“Ah well,” Dongsik suddenly stands up, putting his books in his bag and grabbing his jacket. “I’ll be going then. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“But..” Inwoo doesn’t have the chance to tell him that school hasn’t ended yet and he has a feeling that Dongsik wouldn’t care either way. The way Dongsik carries himself with quick footsteps makes Inwoo think that the other doesn’t think of him as a mutual. Just as someone he will never get to know.

He has an urge to follow the new student, but he only has to turn his head to see that Dongsik is nearly running to the exit, his slightly curly hair visible until he turns the corner.

Everything about their interaction feels off to Inwoo, but for as long as Dongsik doesn’t bother him, he won’t care. He’s just a stranger after all.

It’s not until much later, around 19.00, that Inwoo decides to leave school as well. It was typical that the day he doesn’t bring an umbrella is the day it rains. His styled hair gets wet immediately when he steps out from the roof above him. Yet another day of wasted time. 

Inwoo decides to go the opposite way from home and heads down to the shady part of the community. He only sees gang fights and peacefulness there.

He follows a 20-something old woman into a convenience store which lays in a dark alley. The guy at the counter doesn’t greet them, nor does Inwoo look at him. 

Taking out the energy drink and drugs, Inwoo blends the ingredients away from the eyes of the woman. The man at the counter doesn’t even cross his mind, but he’s sure he doesn’t care. Nobody does in places like these.

Inwoo watches her from afar and seeing her pick out items. It doesn’t take long for her to walk up to the counter in which Inwoo rubs his eyes twice to see if he’s dreaming.

Yook Dongsik sits there, scanning the items with a lollipop in his mouth. 

How is he here? Inwoo wonders. He doesn’t think Dongsik is dumb enough not to know that Inwoo came into the store intending to do something with the woman.

He meets eyes with his now current classmate and immediately looks away. He’s not gonna get caught by someone who knows his name doing actions he shouldn’t do.

Inwoo hides his drink in his school bag, the clear evidence ruining it for him. The woman walks out of the convenience store with Inwoo standing there, shellshocked.

Dongsik shakes his head at Inwoo, making ‘tsk’ sounds under his breath and Inwoo feels exposed.

Inwoo walks out of the store, his steps quick, only to falter when he gets out, a heavy feeling in him.


	2. 의문

The next time Inwoo sees Dongsik in his life, the latter is quietly sleeping on his desk. 

He sets his bag down carefully beside Dongsik on the floor, making sure his chair was not squeaking even though the other students were chattering around them.

He’s actually a bit glad that Dongsik is sleeping. He doesn’t know how to approach him after yesterday. The heavy feeling is still there and he hasn’t slept since.

Inwoo can feel his nervousness spiking whenever Dongsik shifts in his seat. 

It feels like if he acts mean to Dongsik the chance of him snitching on him is higher. Instead of leaving him alone, Inwoo ends up draping his school jacket over Dongsik’s body. It might seem weird to the other students, but it’s the best for the situation.

But he can tell it was a mistake from the beginning when he realizes Dongsik’s eyes were opening. Inwoo curses internally and smiles at Dongsik who looks at him.

“Ah,” The other male looks curiously at Inwoo. “Thank you for the jacket. But I’m not cold.”

Inwoo snatches away his jacket from the curly-haired student and puts it back on. He doesn’t respond to Dongsik and avoids his gaze. It feels exposing that Dongsik caught him doing this. It feels embarrassing.

“I know why you’re doing this,” Dongsik says, his voice not wavering by fear like Inwoo thought it would. “And it’s good to know that you don’t know what I’m going to do with that information. It’s like I have some power over you that you don’t want me to have.”

Inwoo’s head snaps back to Dongsik. _He’s not serious, is he?_ Inwoo thinks. It’s the first time that Dongsik says something longer than one sentence to him.

“Don’t worry,” Inwoo puts up a confident mask. “You won’t be able to do anything.”

“And that’s why you put your jacket over me?” Dongsik snorts and smiles at Inwoo. “Yeah, sure.”

It’s a genuine smile that Dongsik gives to Inwoo and it’s a first to him. It surprises Inwoo since he would’ve guessed that Dongsik would be as cold as before to him.

Instead, Inwoo scowls at the other man and turns away. They become quiet after the teacher enters the classroom and more times than not, Inwoo catches Dongsik looking at him out of the corner of his eyes.

He only glares back at Dongsik who gives him another smile. It irritates him, that Dongsik knows something about him that he shouldn’t know just a day after he met him. How confident Dongsik acts about it.

 _How is he not scared of me?_ Is a thought that has been lingering in Inwoo’s mind. Most people would be submissive to Inwoo and scared of him if they knew what he does in his spare time. Dongsik doesn’t even bat an eye to it. _What does he know about me?_

Inwoo ends up not focusing on the lesson at all and repeats the events from yesterday in his head. He should be a lot more careful around Dongsik.

“Well,” Dongsik stands up after the lesson ends with his school bag on his back. “I’ll be going. See you tomorrow.”

“Wait,” Inwoo stops him. “Where are you going?” He doesn’t want to ever bump into Dongsik after school again. Things will be worse than they already are.

“As if I’ll let you know,” Dongsik laughs at him. Inwoo glares at the other student while he watches him walk away. From now on, he’ll stay away from Dongsik’s sight. 

Otherwise, he doesn’t know what he’ll do with the other student.

The school day ends up being quiet with Inwoo sitting yet again alone by his seat. He feels frustrated that the first time he gets enough courage to do a crime that’s been lingering in his mind for a long time, someone like Dongsik ends up catching him.

He doesn’t even have any information about the other male.

_“Yook Dongsik?” His dad’s secretary starts typing on his computer. “I’ve never heard of the man. Why do you ask about him?”_

_Inwoo can’t ever tell him about the event. “My new classmate. I’m curious about him.”_

_The secretary hums. “Well, whatever you think you know about this boy, it’s probably wrong. He doesn’t show up in our database.”_

_“What?” Inwoo gently guides the secretary to the side and looks at the computer._

**_Yook Dongsik: No available documents_ **

_"What does that mean?” Inwoo asks the secretary. The man shrugs._

_“It means that such a person with that name doesn’t exist,” He replies. “Maybe he uses a fake name?”_

Inwoo can’t get any information about his classmate. He only knows his name and that he has curly hair. 

_Why would Dongsik use a fake name?_

The sky outside becomes dark and Inwoo is happy for once that he brought an umbrella. It’s another day where it rains. Inwoo can already feel the raindrops hitting him even when he’s inside, the students around him rushing to their next class.

He too gathers his stuff and heads out. The feeling of being in school is suffocating him. Inwoo heads down the same path as he does every day.

Nobody bothers him even though he’s wearing his school clothes. They’ll be stupid if they do. Inwoo has a lot more power than he first knew of when he went down this road for the first time.

There are fewer people than he would expect at this time of the day, the only sound coming from rowdy guys in an alleyway and music from karaoke bars.

“Oh, it’s you again!” 

Inwoo turns around at the voice calling out to him and meets eyes with a fellow classmate in their class. He doesn’t know her very well, except that she lives near this area with a father that got into an accident.

“Bokyung,” He calls out. “What are you doing here?”

“What are _you_ doing here, Seo Inwoo? Does your father know this?” Bokyung says and gets closer to him. Inwoo sneers at her.

“I know a lot more about you than you would want me to. Go ahead, tell my father,” He threatens her. _It’s fun to scare people,_ He thinks.

“Sure, sure,” She sighs. “So what? Are you going to commit a crime now?”

Inwoo snorts at her. “As if I would tell you.”

 _“As if I’ll let you know,”_ The familiar words said by Dongsik comes back to him. It’s scary how they think alike.

He turns around to walk away when Bokyung catches up to him.

“Let’s go together, Seo Inwoo. I take this way anyway,” She says, falling into step beside him.

Seo Inwoo doesn’t have friends. But he lets her walk beside him since it’s not gonna kill him.

The longer they walk together, the sound of rowdy guys comes closer and closer, making Inwoo irritated. It’s expected, in places like these, that there will always be gangsters who can’t keep to themselves.

“Look at this whore,” One of the guys laughs from a bit afar and Inwoo could hear all of them laughing in unison. “At this time of the day, are you selling? Let me have a look.”  
  


“I think they’re ganging up on someone,” Bokyung says quietly to him. “I feel bad for them.”

 _I don’t,_ Inwoo thinks. It’s not his fault if someone looks like a whore in the middle of the day. He shrugs at Bokyung, who’s trying to get closer to the scene where it’s happening.

“Get the fuck off me,” A low voice says and Inwoo’s breath hitches. 

_Why is he here again?_ He thinks. Why does that stupid idiot appear wherever he goes?

“Oh, it sounds like someone I’ve heard before?” Bokyung mentions and starts walking faster to the alleyway. Inwoo does nothing but follows her, the curiousity of if the person is Dongsik growing in him.

When they turn a corner, it’s like what Inwoo expected. Dongsik in the middle with around 5 guys around him trying to latch on to him. Dongsik is resisting them, his voice growing louder after every push.

“Come on,” Another one of the guys pushes Dongsik’s shoulder. “Let’s have some fun.”

“You guys can have fun,” Dongsik replies emotionlessly. “I’m leaving.”

Even though the guys were a lot bigger than Dongsik, he manages to squeeze between them and shrug off the touches. 

Inwoo meets eyes with Dongsik, who, for once, looks surprised at seeing him there. 

Dongsik smiles brightly at him before turning the opposite way and disappearing faster than Inwoo could see.

“Isn’t he our classmate? What is _he_ doing here? Aren’t you friends with him?” Bokyung starts questioning him once they got away from the scene and Inwoo shakes his head.

“I don’t have friends, Shim Bokyung,” Inwoo says and it’s true. Seo Inwoo doesn’t have friends.

He’s definitely not friends with Yook Dongsik, but it’s too coincidental that he’s seen him in all of these places after have never met him before. He doesn’t know anything about him. Nobody else does either, apparently.

It’ll take a while, but getting down to figuring out who Dongsik is before the latter reveals Inwoo’s secrets is something he must do to save himself. 


	3. 우정

Inwoo doesn’t see his seatmate for the rest of the evening and it’s only when he arrives at the classroom that he sees the other male sleeping on his desk.

_ Why is he sleeping all the time?  _ Inwoo wonders, but he knows he has to act indifferent to it to others. It would be too odd if he suddenly shows any emotion other than indifference to Dongsik when students who have seen Inwoo every day for years already developed an image of him.

He takes his seat beside Dongsik and forces himself to look out the window like he used to do. Before he met Dongsik.

For the first time in his life, Inwoo doesn’t dare approach the other student. Too many questions surrounding the other male lingers in his mind. 

He has to overcome the barrier that he put between them, otherwise, he’ll never get close to the other male. Inwoo has to get closer to Dongsik, but he doesn’t know how to. The power of money usually solves a problem quickly between students.

It takes half a school day long for Dongsik to wake up. It’s becoming more and more normal for the school days to look like this for both of them. The literature teacher dismisses them for lunch and Dongsik stands up, ready to go when Inwoo grabs his hand.

“Where are you going?” Inwoo asks and he catches a small frown on the other male’s face when he turns around.

“Lunch, of course. What do you think otherwise?” He answers. He pulls away from Inwoo’s grip and quickly walks away, leaving no room for Inwoo to answer.

_ Why is he so dismissive today?  _ Inwoo feels upset at the response he got. He only has to remind himself that he has to take baby steps to be able to get closer to the boy. Again and again, no matter how hard he tries. It irritates him to no end that he has to bother interacting with the poor loser this much to get to know him. It’s always  _ why why why  _ with the other male.

Inwoo stands up and gets ready to follow Dongsik for his lunch break only to feel a hand wrap around his arm, interrupting his thoughts.

“Seo Inwoo, let’s have a talk,” Bokyung’s voice sounds demanding and he sighs. He should’ve expected this sooner from the girl, but it slipped his mind.

“Get your hand off me,” Inwoo glares at his classmate who stares back, not backing down. He already knows what she wants to talk about and he’s not surprised. 

She beckons at him to follow and his plans are now ruined for lunch break. He won’t know where Dongsik goes or what he does and this doesn’t compensate for it.

He follows her down the hallway and into a supply room that’s too dusty for his likes. It apparently doesn’t bother Bokyung as much as she locks the door behind them, the barely-working light lits up the room. 

“You probably know why I dragged you to a place like this,” She starts once she turns herself towards him. “I didn’t want to embarrass you in front of our classmates either, so you’re welcome.”

Inwoo scoffs at her. He can’t believe she acts so mighty for someone so weak.

“Anyways,” She doesn’t seem bothered by his scoff. “I want to ask you something. Why are you going after Yook Dongsik? From my perspective he’s a bit odd, but it’s strange that you’re after him all the time.”   


_ It’s always why, why, why when it comes to Dongsik,  _ Inwoo thinks. There’s no answers to the endless questions around their mutual classmate. Doesn’t she understand his interest in the unknown boy?

“He knows something that he shouldn’t know,” Inwoo answers. “I don’t want him to get into trouble.”

“What kind of trouble? WIth you?” She scoffs back at him, crossing her arms.

“Aren’t you curious as well?” Inwoo asks. “Like, why was he with those gangsters that evening?”

“Well yeah,” She agrees with him. “But that doesn’t mean you would be interested in him. Lots of students in this school are associated with gangsters.”

Inwoo doesn’t know how to answer. “I guess….he’s more interesting than the other students. He’s drawn my attention.”   
  
“That’s why I’m suspicious,” Bokyung says. “You won’t hurt him or anything like that right? You’ve given enough trauma to other classmates.”   


“I won’t,” Inwoo feels offended that Bokyung thinks so little of him. The fact that she doesn’t have any fear of him makes him angry. “I’m just curious, that’s all.”

“Don’t think I won’t look out for him,” Bokyung says before walking past Inwoo, her shoulder his arm on the way out and leaving him alone. 

He curses behind her back when the lunch bell rings and he’s forced to go back to the classroom for another lesson. The only time he catches Dongsik going for lunch is the only time Bokyung stops him to have a chat. 

Dongsik is in the classroom when Inwoo enters it. The student is doodling something in his maths book and doesn’t look up to Inwoo when he sits down beside him.

How long does it take to trust a person?

The day goes as usual, with either of them not trying to strike up a conversation. Silence is a comfortable choice for both of them even while the other students talk loudly over them.

When the last bell rings, he lightly takes ahold of Dongsik’s school jacket.  _ I’ll try this time,  _ Inwoo thinks.

“Do you…” He starts to say, his words suddenly disappears for a moment while nervousness hits him. “Do you want to walk home together?”

Dongsik looks flustered by the fact that Inwoo isn’t grabbing his arm with force and the fact that students are whispering around them.

“I’m actually working today,” Dongsik answers with a low voice. “At the convenience store…”

“Then let me go with you,” Inwoo gives him a fake smile. “I have nothing else to do anyways.”

“If that’s what you want to do,” Dongsik shrugs and packs his stuff. Inwoo doesn’t waste a moment to follow him when the other male heads for the door.

They don’t say anything to each other as they head out, the familiar path making the time go quicker than usual and the sky turning darker after every moment that passes. Once again, Inwoo knows he’ll go home in the dark without anyone noticing that he’s been gone. 

When they both arrive at the convenience store, Dongsik disappears into a room behind the counter with a nod to his coworker. Inwoo doesn’t take notice as he also turns towards the aisles and pretending to take notice to them.

He only picks up the nearest drink in reach when Dongsik comes out in his uniform and stands by the counter. It ends up being a strawberry milk that he buys and he can hear Dongsik giggle while he scans it. 

Inwoo sits on a chair by the window and the nearest to his classmate, who’s sitting and scribbling down something. There’s nobody who is waiting for him at home anyways, so it doesn’t hurt Inwoo to sit and accompany Dongsik for the evening. 

The quiet air conditioner in the background and the sound of Dongsik’s pencil fills the empty convenience store. Inwoo takes out a school book to read in the meanwhile. 

It’s soothing, and as Inwoo is on his fourth strawberry milk he realizes that he wouldn’t mind doing this again. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> inwoo has conflicting feelings since hes an aNgstY tEeNaGer. lets see how he copes lol (also had to rewrite the entire chapter since i wasn't satisfied. tell me your honest thoughts!!!! i kinda want this story to be set in a slow pace)


	4. 소나기

”Why are you following me?”

It was raining on their way to the store, Inwoo’s shoes and umbrella wet. Dongsik was dripping wet from head to toe, not having an umbrella with him. It wasn’t his fault that the other boy decided to not bring an umbrella, but it’s pitiful to look at him soaked, his hair covering his eyes.

Inwoo can see that he’s shivering from the cold, his eyes narrowing at Inwoo. The sky was getting darker as minutes pass by, both of them standing still.

But he knows that he doesn’t have a real answer for Dongsik’s question.

“Because I do what I want,” Inwoo says like it was obvious to the both of them. He may have an interest in the other boy, but he’ll use any excuse to not go home. 

The other student is quiet, the clouds above getting darker and his lips draw to a thin line. 

“Just don’t get close to me,” Dongsik replies and turns around, walking down the steep hill they’re on. Inwoo automatically let his feet carry him to walk behind the other boy, only slowing down when the words dawn on him.

_ Don’t get close to him?  _ He thinks in confusion. He already sits beside the other boy, so they have already been close,  _ right?  _

Yet Inwoo continues to follow him down the same path that they go everyday now together, not wanting to go home for another while. He doesn’t want to know what will happen if he does. 

He can hear the storm hitting the sea further away from their sight, no people out in the streets around them. It was only Inwoo and the boy who he ends up wanting to know more about. It was all longing for him. The longing that begins whenever he catches the sight of Dongsik.

Inwoo ends up walking beside the other boy, who instinctively goes closer under the umbrella. They walk in silence and it reminds Inwoo of movies he used to watch in his room. The two main characters slowly walk away in the rain together at the end. 

The walk is shorter than it usually is, entering the convenience store quickly and Dongsik switching places with his co-worker. Not a word is said between them.

Dongsik smiles at him when the other co-worker leaves, handing Inwoo a banana milk bottle. A complete 180 degrees that Dongsik does with his behaviour makes Inwoo dizzy.

“Why do you follow me?” Dongsik asks and Inwoo drinks his banana milk out of politeness in front of the other boy. Dongsik grabs a strawberry bottle for himself and starts drinking immediately, chugging down the bottle in seconds.

“You know something about me that you shouldn’t know,” Inwoo says honestly. There was no point hiding himself when he follows the other boy around openly. 

“Know something? I don’t know anything,” Dongsik replies with a cheerful voice, downing another bottle of strawberry milk and Inwoo could see his hands shaking.

“You saw me that day,” Inwoo’s fingers wrap around his bottle tightly. “You saw me drugging that drink, intending to drug that woman.”

“I didn’t know about that,” Dongsik says and Inwoo could see his eyes darting around the store, like something unexpected would pop up. 

“You do, and I want you to know I can destroy you and your entire family in just a few minutes,” Inwoo threatens the student, his voice low.

But Dongsik laughs instead, hitting Inwoo’s arm lightly and smiling brightly. “You’re so funny. I won’t tell anyone what you just told me, I’m good at keeping secrets.”

Inwoo could see the strawberry milk bottles lining up one after the other on the counter, even though he’s still on his first banana milk bottle. 

“But I think it’s time for you to go home,” Dongsik says with worry laced in his voice but laughs afterwards in fake joy, grabbing Inwoo’s shoulder. “It’s late, isn’t it? I can’t imagine a good student like you staying up this late.”

_ Dongsik didn’t tell me this yesterday,  _ Inwoo thinks back to their previous interactions and it’s obvious how Dongsik is pushing him away.  _ But why? _

He feels like a fool, nodding at the other student and letting his feet take him to the door of the store. It’s obviously that some kind of fear is hanging in the air, the nervous behaviour of Dongsik unnerving him. It feels like if he doesn’t leave, something will happen that will change him.

That’s why he stays instead, turning towards the working student who’s drinking his sixth bottle.

“What are you doing?” Dongsik questions him. “Leave. Your parents must be worried.”

“They’re not expecting me home yet,” Inwoo lies smoothly, but also out of fear. He hasn’t come home early these past days, only going through the house when everybody is asleep. He’s been subconsciously seeking his escape with Dongsik instead.

He sits on a chair by the window, half-glancing at the other boy who was checking everything twice on the shelves and had a lollipop in his mouth. 

The bell rings beside Inwoo, his sight automatically turns towards the sound that indicates a customer. A large man, bigger than both Inwoo and Dongsik, enters the store alone and Inwoo could see Dongsik bow deeply to the other man.

Inwoo sets his gaze out towards the window, looking at the reflection of seeing the larger man approach the student.

“Dongsik! It’s been so long, hasn’t it? How’s your father? Doing well without the corpse of your mother hanging around?” The man wraps his arm around Dongsik who nervously laughs.

Inwoo raises his eyebrow at the disgusting comment made by the elder man.  _ How could someone act like this in public? Doesn’t he have any manners?  _

He could see Dongsik pull out the lollipop out of his mouth and mumble a “Yes, sir,” to the other man. 

_ Why would Dongsik bother with trash like this?  _ Inwoo wonders, finishing his bottle of banana milk. He doesn’t stand up to get another one yet, wondering what will happen.

“You’ll see me and the guys later, right? Having some fun once in a while isn’t bad,” The elder man says and slaps Dongsik’s back, making the student stumble a bit in his steps. 

“Y-Yes, of course sir,” Dongsik replies, his stutter obvious to those who are listening. “I’m grateful you can help me and my family out.”

“Of course, you know what would happen otherwise,” The man laughs. “Well, I just wanted to see if you were alive and kicking unlike your mother. We’ll meet later, right?”

“Yes,” Dongsik says and bows again deeply when the other man leaves the store. Inwoo could see that the other student was shaking a lot even from the reflection of the window. He turns around, empty bottle in his hand that he throws away in the trash.

“I’ll pay for the bottle later,” Inwoo says, which seems to pull Dongsik out of whatever trance he seems to be in and the other nods. Dongsik grabs another banana milk bottle from the cold drinks section, along with a soju bottle.

“Ah, I didn’t ask for soju,” Inwoo gestures for Dongsik to put it back in the freezer.

“I’m having this,” Dongsik replies, laughing. It feels like a surprise to Inwoo that the boy, who’s kind and smiles all the time, would drink alcohol of all things.

But it’s always the unexpected ones that end up being someone who you don’t know.

“Let me have a taste,” Inwoo orders and Dongsik shares the bottle with him, but the latter ends up drinking more than half of it.

“Nobody comes here at this time anyways,” Dongsik says when he sits beside Inwoo and he nods. It was getting past  _ 23.00  _ which Inwoo’s watch says.

They drink the entire bottle and while Inwoo feels tipsy, he can see that the other isn’t bothered at all. There will always be people who are more resistant to alcohol than others.

“So who was that guy?” Inwoo finally questions and he can see Dongsik quiet down.  _ The subject must be touchy to him,  _ Inwoo thinks. The more he doesn’t know, the more he thinks about it.

“Nobody important,” Dongsik laughs, his hands balling up to a fist. “Well, nobody you would know. We just know each other through my dad. He has a lot of connections.”

Inwoo hums in acknowledgment to the other’s words. He knows that he won’t get much more out with information about the exchange that happened earlier. It doesn’t matter either way, since he’ll know everything at last anyways.

They sit in silence once again, Inwoo sipping on his milk and Dongsik tracing the plastic table with his fingers.

“You better go home,” Dongsik says quietly, his breath stinking with soju. “No good hanging around here after this time.”

“What about you?” Inwoo catches himself asking and internally screams.  _ You don’t care about him, why would you ask such a stupid question? _

“I’ll survive,” Dongsik laughs and gets out of his chair. “I still have an hour before my shift ends and it’s no use for you to be here while your parents worry. Go home.”

Inwoo nods, getting out of his chair and heading for the door. But he stops himself before going out, turning towards the counter.

“I forgot to pay,” He says and Dongsik nods, laughing.

“I have to pay as well,” Dongsik comments and they both approach the counter, but just on seperate sides of it.

Inwoo pulls out a 50,000 won note from his wallet and Dongsik nearly gapes at it. 

“It’s too much,” He says. “You only have to pay 20,000 won.”   


“I’ll pay for you as well,” Inwoo says and quickly heads out before the other student could say anything back to him.

Inwoo, who hates poor people and wants to kill people on a daily basis, is helping Dongsik with paying for his items. It’s  _ disgusting.  _ Inwoo feels like vomiting at the thought of it. He better stay away from Dongsik before something else weird happens to him. He doesn’t know what is happening to him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> omg i had such a big writers block until today!!! i rewrote this chapter like 500 times before writing it all today in one go...what is happening to me?? also during this time i wrote a one-shot for another fandom which has like 14k words so i have no excuse lmao


	5. 하늬바람

They always sit beside each other during the school days. They have the same uniform, same shoes, same color of eyes. So similar in a lot of ways, but yet not. 

Inwoo and Dongsik are their names, yet it never passes each other’s lips. 

“Are you lonely?” Dongsik asks him one day out of nowhere. 

Inwoo turns to look at him in confusion.  _ Why would he suddenly ask me that? _

“I mean, you’re always hanging out with me and not any others,” He pauses. “Actually, I don’t think I’ve seen you even  _ talk  _ to anyone else than me.”

“You don’t have to know my personal life. You have no right to know,” Inwoo replies and sees Dongsik’s lips form to a thin line, obviously disliking his choice of words.

“Well, we’re friends now, so I have to know something about you, you know?” Dongsik mumbles and looks away from the other student. Inwoo knows his words somewhat hurt the other student, but he can’t feel anything from it.

“We’re  _ not  _ friends.” The words pierces through the awkward silence hanging between them. Dongsik is silent even after Inwoo wanted to promise himself not to speak about it.

It’s like everything they had up until now was just a fantasy to Dongsik.

Inwoo could see the clock ticking away and the hours passing like water, wanting nothing more than to get to his job and not sit beside an asshole. A girl who Inwoo doesn’t know talks to Dongsik during the break with hushed voices, quiet enough so he couldn’t hear.

Inwoo doesn’t say much, thinking that being quiet for several hours would help the both of them get over this awkward interaction. There’s no use being sad over the fact that they are  _ not  _ friends according to Inwoo.

Lunch comes around and several classmates go to the cafeteria, the sounds of voices and running getting louder. Dongsik doesn’t have lunch with him today either, like the other days he comes to school. Inwoo still sits beside him through the entirety of the lunch break, eating his own food.

It’s only when the school bell rings and Inwoo manages to get outside through the large crowds that form when school ends that he sees the trees in front of him.

The ground is covered in pink petals and lots of students are taking pictures around him by the trees. Inwoo doesn’t get the fascination with pink trees, the same thing happening every year. Even if they miss it this year, they can just take their pictures next year.

Inwoo sees Dongsik walking ahead of him, nearly blending in with the rest of the crowd of students around him. He quickly catches up to the other student, the rest becoming blank faces as he approaches.

He doesn’t say anything to Dongsik when he walks behind him. The further away they walk from the student crowds around the trees and the shining sun, it makes Inwoo want it to rain. So that the silence between them wouldn’t be drowning out by the crowd’s chatter like it is now.

When they get away from the crowds Inwoo takes a step back when Dongsik turns towards him.

“Why are you following me?” Inwoo can hear the calm demeanor Dongsik exhibits when he speaks to him.

“I’m going with you to the store,” Inwoo replies, like it’s obvious to the other.

“But we aren’t friends, like you said,” The hintness of sadness in his voice surprises Inwoo. The expectation of him being near emotionless like Inwoo was something that was drawing him to Dongsik as getting closer to him.

Seo Inwoo doesn’t have friends.

Dongsik doesn’t like the silence apparently. “You can hang around me if you want to,” He says shyly, like the words are not meant to be said at all. “I wouldn’t mind being friends though...Inwoo.”

As the other times that classmates have called his name, this time his blood doesn’t boil at the sound. Seo Inwoo hates the calming effect it gives him and it makes him want to vomit like he usually does when he’s around the other male.

_ Then why do you keep staying with him? _

For the first time since they’ve met, Inwoo turns around and walks the opposite way. The way to his own home. Someone like Dongsik is disgusting to him. He shouldn’t be mendling with people like that.

He doesn’t have to look back to know that Dongsik is disappointed in not going with him to the store. That it’ll go back to them going their separate ways.

But yet, Inwoo turns back once,  _ just once _ , to only see that Dongsik has disappeared on the empty street, like he wasn’t there at the beginning at all. Like Inwoo was talking to a ghost. 

He looks around the corners and the nearby roads, but doesn’t seem to catch Dongsik walking anywhere. Inwoo doesn’t go home yet, his feet always stopping him when he thinks of going home. His father isn’t happy with him, probably already preparing to set a schedule for him when to come home and when to go out.

The buzzing of students and normal pedestrians around him make it seem like it’s the perfect day to take Inwoo and his mother out for a picnic down by some hill. He doesn’t think about that, but instead makes his way to the darker alleys, walking past way too shady people to get to the convenience store by a small corner.

Even when he turns up and goes through the door that plings, Inwoo doesn’t see Dongsik anywhere.

He doesn’t want to ask some stranger about Dongsik’s whereabouts, so Inwoo retreats to the main road along the way to his home. Less and less people are walking past him, the sun already starting to set.

_ Why am I wasting all my time on him? _ He wonders as the sun shines its last beam towards him. His mind already knows there is no answer.

  
  
  
  


Inwoo wakes up earlier than the rest of his family, the constant growing of fear of his father making him unable to rest well during the nights. 

He doesn’t eat breakfast anymore, the fear of being heard makes him get dressed and go as quickly as he can out the door. Now he’s not the student nor the son he used to be, the one who always was strict with time and proper with everything he did. 

Now he feels like he’s becoming a ‘normal’ teenager like everyone else he listens to complains about. Once he’s out the door, his thoughts always trace back to his father’s words the last time they were alone together.

_ “You’re no normal teenager. You are my son. That is why I expect nothing less than the best behaviour from you.”  _

The sun is slowly rising and there are only one or two cars that pass him every now and then. Inwoo hasn’t been up this early before, not being afraid to eat at the same table as his dad was something he could do yesterday, but is gnawing with fear today.

He doesn’t know what to expect when he gets to the school gates at  _ 05:23  _ in the morning, but seeing Dongsik leaning against the brick wall wasn’t one of them.

The latter didn’t seem to notice him until he kicks a rock that lands on Inwoo’s feet.

Dongsik looks up and Inwoo could immediately see the busted lip he has on his face.

“What happened,” Inwoo gestures vaguely. “There?”

“Ah, this?” Dongsik tries to grin but makes a grimace instead. “Just went into a door that had broken glass and it hit me! Like I didn’t expect it at all!”

If there was something new that Inwoo now knows about Dongsik, is that he is a  _ terrible liar. _

“What are you doing here then, Inwoo?” Dongsik scans his body in an attempt to find any damages. 

“I’m not like you,” Inwoo scoffs. “I don’t allow myself to get hurt like that.”

“Oh, you’re a tough nut then!” Dongsik tries to laugh but it quickly gets awkward with Inwoo’s lack of response to the comment.

It gets quiet between them. Inwoo is usually good at professional conversations when it comes to the company, but being a mess when it comes to normal day-to-day conversations doesn’t surprise him. He’s only been trained to talk about important things.

There’s nobody around them and it feels intimate to Inwoo, like Dongsik is being someone he usually isn’t in times like these.

“I’m glad we have maths today,” Dongsik pulls a small smile towards Inwoo. “Then we get to have Mister Cho as our teacher. You know, I really want to work with the economy when I get big. Work at a big company and be something like…..well something with the economy. It’ll be really cool!”

Inwoo doesn’t say anything back, keeping his distance from the other boy might be the right solution at the end. That he doesn’t associate himself with Dongsik, that he’s not an asset to Inwoo.

“But you know, I haven’t gone many years to school, so I might not qualify to go to…...university? Is that what it’s called?” Dongsik ponders to himself but continues with his ramble. “Well, Mister Cho said I might not be smart enough to apply and that makes me sad, I want to go!”

“It’s useless,” Inwoo hears himself saying. “Not going to university. Then no company will want to have you working in their economic offices. If you end up not being able to even apply to university, you’re too dumb to live in this world.”

Dongsik stares at him like he just has grown two heads at his answer.

“That’s silly,” Dongsik scoffs at the end of their silence. “Everybody should be able to go to university. Not everyone is as rich and smart as others. I would love to go to university! It sounds really happy and far away. Maybe somewhere like Busan?”

“Why do you want to get away so much?” Inwoo wonders out loud and Dongsik gets quiet.

It’s only then when another figure appears.

“Mister Cho!” Dongsik calls out and waves towards the figure.

“Dongsik! You’re here early again? I figured. I’ll open the gates for you,” Mister Cho laughs and comes closer. It’s only then he notices Inwoo.

“Ah, Seo Inwoo is it? I’m surprised to see you this early, usually it’s only me and Dongsik,” The teacher flashes him a bright smile and quickly turns around, keys in hand.

“Inwoo and I are not friends,” Dongsik says, like it’s supposed to be a jab towards him. “So I’m surprised as well!”

_ Dongsik and I are not friends,  _ Inwoo reminds himself as they get inside the school.  _ There’s no reason for us to be either. He's useless to me. _

It’s not like he’ll be anything more than another classmate to Inwoo. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AHHH IM SO THANKFUL FOR ALL OF YOUR COMMENTS I LOVE IT SOMUCH IM SO HAPPY i will make sure to update quicker on this story!!! im excited as well for what i planned to happen in the future chapters so i hope you're on the edge of your seats!


	6. 붙잡아

Inwoo doesn’t expect much from his seatmate in school.

But what he doesn’t expect is for Dongsik to miss a school day. He hasn’t been reported sick by whatever guardians he has nor cannot be reached by cell phone so far Inwoo knows. 

_ Does Dongsik have a cellphone?  _ Inwoo wonders and he’s already pretty sure he doesn’t.

It feels empty not seeing the other male when he was there at 6AM by the school gates in a way that Inwoo is now used to the daily schedule it’s been set to between them.

The sun is shining yet again and Inwoo is sure it’ll never rain again by this point. Dongsik is always the one to comment on the weather like  _ The sun is out again as well!  _ or  _ Inwoo, doesn’t this sun remind you of happiness? When it rises, it’s yet another beautiful day. _

Bokyung pats his back during the first break like he’s some sensitive romance lead in a series, only watching for the love interest to show up. He glares at her and she grins in response. Her and Dongsik have gotten closer as well, hanging out without Inwoo during break times. Before Dongsik came into this class she was afraid of Inwoo as well as the others still are. 

Now he shows her how “innocent” he is, despite showing Dongsik his murder tendencies the second time they met. Dongsik is like a door to him, pushing against him when he feels happy but pulling away at odd but oftentimes. From what Inwoo has observed with other friendships between classmates, this isn’t usually how it goes.  _ But he’s not friends with Dongsik.  _

The teachers don't take notice of his absence either, not saying anything about it. 

The classes end up being a lot longer than what he thinks they usually are, and ends up eating lunch alone in the classroom with the window open. There’s barely any wind and to others, it’s just a perfect spring day for them to take even more pictures. 

Inwoo hasn’t seen his father in days, avoiding him and going as far as anti-stalking him. It’s become a part of his routine now, even though he knows his mother gives him a disapproving look every evening by his choices. He knows the consequences of ignoring his own father, but he knows that he’s not brave enough to face it yet.

_ Will you be a disappointment yet again, Inwoo?  _ He can hear his mother saying. It feels like no matter what he does, he will be a disappointment to his parents. He can be a perfect doll for his parents and there will always be something to pick on.

Today there is no blabbering from Dongsik that Inwoo gets an earful of and there’s no following him among the crowds in the hallways. It’s unusually quiet when he changes his shoes by the entrance to the school, the crowded students now scatter when they get outside the building. The sun is already setting, the orange colours blending together. 

His phone buzzes and Inwoo pulls it out from his pocket, expecting a text from his family maid.

Instead, it’s from an unknown number that Inwoo doesn’t have saved on his phone.

_ Coem pikk me up pleasee.  _

Along with an address. By the looks of the street name, Inwoo is immediately suspicious by the message. 

_ Who is this?  _ He writes back, not expecting a quick reply from someone shady like this.

The phone buzzes immediately after he puts it in his jacket pocket. He walks out the building, pulling it out again.

_ Bokyyung gaev me this number. Dongsik. I’m Dongssik. Are you busy?vv _

The text message surprises Inwoo, considering he’s never given Bokyung his number. There’s no reason for Dongsik to text him either.  _ We’re not friends  _ is his only thought while he types out his answer. But whatever he had in mind to type, wasn’t the thing he ends up typing out and sending.

_ I’m not busy.  _

There was no answer from Dongsik, but Inwoo wouldn’t expect one either. It’s a good excuse to stay away from home, to help someone out. Then maybe his dad would understand that he’s a better person than what he actually is.  _ Whatever that means to someone who feels sympathy. _

Once he gets away from the school gates, Inwoo realizes he has no idea where to go to get to the address. He has no map on him either for that matter. It feels like it’ll take too long for him to go home and pick one up. Dongsik isn’t worth his time, yet he catches a sight of a woman down the street.

He approaches the woman who doesn’t dress too shabby  _ (Unlike Dongsik,  _ his mind supplies.) and taps her shoulder.

“Excuse me,” He flashes her a small smile, showing an approach he does whenever he meets new people. “Do you know where this street is?” He shows her the address on his phone.

“Oh, a fine young man like you shouldn’t go there,” She laughs a bit and claps his shoulder gently. “Make your way home now.”

Inwoo tsk tsk in disdain, sending the useless woman on her way while going  _ hopefully  _ the right way to the street he’s searching for. He’s more curious than willing to see where Dongsik has been during the school day.

It takes a lot more time to get someone to direct him to the right street and it ends up being a homeless man. Inwoo has hit his low point in life by asking someone like that. But if he gets answers from it, taking advantage of it isn’t bad.

He manages to make his way to the street, which was farther than he was expecting it to be. It’s already dark, the clouds covering the last bit of light that was in the sky.

The street was bigger than he thought, lights from apartments above shining through broken windows and a hotel at the end of it. But Inwoo isn’t too surprised that Dongsik is in a place like this. His uniform barely fits his skinny body and he doesn’t eat lunch. If he makes a living working at the convenience store like all poor people do then Inwoo doesn’t think he has much else to his life other than school.

By the end of the street, the hotel he sees in front of him has trash everywhere and Inwoo is sure he’ll have to dump the school uniform he has later. People are entering and leaving the hotel, female escorts helping drunk men everywhere. 

Inwoo is about to turn around to go back home, thinking that Dongsik is some druggie as well in his spare time outside school.  _ Not worth my time,  _ he thinks.

But the moment he turns, his eye catches a figure slouched against the wall of a tiny passageway, his uniform reminding Inwoo of his own.

His steps are quick, making his way to what he presumes is Dongsik sitting against the wall.

_ There’s no mistaking it,  _ he thinks as he looks at the figure now in front of him, with messy curly hair and a school bag beside him with a key ring that Dongsik always talks about. 

“Yook Dongsik?” Inwoo calls out, the head in front of him snapping up at the name.

Dongsik’s eyes are dilated, his uniform ripped and he can’t seem to focus on anything but Inwoo.

“I-Inwoo,” A sob escapes Dongsik’s lips. “W-What are you doing here? T-This is no place for you.”

Yet Dongsik clings to his legs, tears streaming down his face and crying out his name  _ too  _ many times.

“Get off me,” Inwoo complains quietly, pushing Dongsik off him. “Aren’t you going home soon?”

“Y-You,” Dongsik hiccups and looks up at him. “You came here for me? Me?”

Inwoo has no answer, knowing fully well that he would never come here if it wasn’t for Dongsik texting him. He would’ve been at home a long time ago, reading some novel he picked up at a shelf. A maid would bring him a plate of snacks and he would have showered, not being out in the dirty part of town and having some drugged seatmate clinging onto him.

He sighs, helping Dongsik get up on his feet, who’s wobbling way too much for his liking.  _ There’s no easy way to handle a drugged person,  _ he thinks as he slings an arm around Dongsik.

“Where should I even leave you?” Inwoo wonders out loud and Dongsik falters his steps, falling against him. He could smell the strong soju coming from the whole street and feels like he’s gonna get himself drunk from only that. 

Heaving a sigh, Inwoo crouches in front of Dongsik, who he’s not sure is still aware of what is happening.

“Jump on my back, I’m not spending my entire night stuck here with you,” Inwoo says and immediately feels Dongsik’s heavy body leaning against his back. Lifting him up, Inwoo can feel the long journey with the student on his back starting.

Making sure Dongsik won’t fall from his grip, Inwoo heads for the direction he came from, trying to avoid hitting other people on his way to the outskirts of the dirty place. The longer the time goes it gets harder to carry the dead-weight Dongsik on his back.

“You…” Dongsik mumbles into his neck, Inwoo getting goosebumps from the feeling of his lips against his neck. “You’re the only one here for me….Inwoo…..Did you…….Did you come here….for me?”

Inwoo readjusts so the other student doesn’t cling his face onto his neck, feeling irritated at the situation he put himself in. He curses to himself, making his way to the main road that’s the way to school. 

“I’ll just leave you by your workplace, I can’t be bothered with you anymore,” Inwoo says out loud and the other male snores, not listening to his words at all. Anybody else but Inwoo would feel sad about Dongsik’s situation, comforting him and actually  _ caring _ about him. Which Inwoo doesn’t do. He just wants to avoid his father at home. This is why he does it. 

_ This has nothing to do with me,  _ Inwoo thinks, his thoughts tracing back to all their interactions.  _ I shouldn’t have followed him to his workplace in the first place.  _

Inwoo has already many things to regret in his short life.

For the short trip he makes from the hotel, he’s considered many times to just drop Dongsik’s body on the ground and leave him. He stops and readjusts Dongsik’s position again and again, making the trip longer than it already is.

“Do you think this is easy for me?” Inwoo grumbles, knowing it’s already past midnight when he gets to the familiar road to the convenience store. “Why didn’t you work today?”

Dongsik gives no coherent answer, his spit ending up smothering Inwoo’s uniform instead of speaking.

Inwoo wants to thank heaven above when he catches the sight of the convenience store still lit up at the end of the street. Trudging his way through the suddenly very long street with Dongsik on his back isn’t how he thought his Thursday night would go. 

Kicking the entrance door to the convenience store, Inwoo startles the young worker by the desk, automatically standing up by the sound. 

“W-Welcome,” The worker says and looks at Dongsik that is drooling on his back.

“You know Dongsik right?” Inwoo asks but the worker shakes his head. “He works here as well, but I don’t know where he lives. Is it alright if I leave him in the backroom?”

The worker nods in uncertainty but Inwoo determinedly ignores his answer, pushing another door open to the backroom where worker’s usually take their breaks and get Dongsik off his back. He leans the other boy against the wall and sighs.

“What are you making me do, Yook Dongsik?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is another chapter for you guys as an apology for being gone so long (im so sorry). finally something happens in their friendship! i wonder how this will change them....


	7. 백일몽

Dongsik doesn’t say anything to Inwoo when he comes late to school and sits beside him.

Inwoo had expected him too earlier, when his mother questioned him about the uniform and why he’s so dirty.

_ “Are you going and hanging around gangs? Is that what you are doing, Seo Inwoo?” She shrieks at him as he practically runs out the door to make his way to school. _

His mother has been calling him non-stop since he’s been in school.

“Are you shocked?” Is all Dongsik asks him when the first break comes around.

“No,” Inwoo answers with no emotion lingering in his voice. He’s not shocked that Dongsik takes drugs, of all things. He kinda half-expected it as well when they first met.

It gets quiet between them after that, the silence hanging heavy. Inwoo has nothing to say, but from observing Dongsik’s behaviour beside him (fidgeting, twiddling his thumbs, glancing at Inwoo) he knows the other student has something to say. 

“Just say it,” Inwoo says, his patience running thin and staring at Dongsik, who looks like a deer caught in a headlight. 

“Let’s just forget it!” Dongsik answers a bit loudly. “Let’s just forget yesterday.” 

“Why?” Inwoo asks him. There’s no reason to forget it.  _ What happened has happened. _

“Just….” Dongsik looks down on his desk. “Just because,” He mumbles at the end.

Inwoo nearly doesn’t hear the answer, the teacher babbling on about the sports day that’s coming up in the background. Inwoo doesn’t answer him and the silence fills up with other students talking over them. 

_ He must really hate his life,  _ Inwoo thinks. He watches on as Dongsik silently cries onto his desk, the tears staining the wood. Feeling a buzz in his pocket, indicating his mother calling him, Inwoo knows the feeling. Nearly everyone in this room has probably written a letter about how grades and school are killing them inside and how much they want to die. Inwoo knows the feeling of seeing disappointment being directed at him throughout his life.

But that makes him feel nothing. He doesn’t care about students dying here and there, people are mostly lacking any meaning in life and working because they feel like it’s what they  _ need  _ to do in life. There’s a lack of meaning in this classroom, everybody having both thoughts about disappointed parents and how they don’t know what they want to do in life. They could die tomorrow for all they know, everything they’ve studied for and everything they’ve done in life becoming a waste just in a glance. That all their days have been rotten and decayed, never looking at a light at the end of the tunnel that makes them happy. 

Inwoo doesn’t have anything better going on in his life than his father hating him and ending up following Dongsik to do what he does.  _ The only difference is that I have more power than them. _

The bell rings and lunch time is announced, the teacher writing on the blackboard before leaving the classroom. The words “Sports Day!” stands out and Inwoo feels hatred towards them. Not only does he have to act goody two-shoes to his teachers but also help others. 

He feels a slight tug to his shirt and redirects his gaze to Dongsik, who’s looking at him with glossy eyes.

“Let’s eat lunch,” is all he says before Inwoo gets dragged away from his seat, their classroom, away from everyone he sees everyday.

They go outside, fresh air hitting Inwoo and they walk towards a nearby student-run shop. The sky is brighter than what Inwoo expects, his eyes squinting at the sun. It seems like his everyday life is now being with Dongsik, who he doesn’t even like. He may interest Inwoo a bit, but punching someone in the face isn’t that bad either.

“Do you hate yourself?” Dongsik asks him as they enter the shop, nothing but food surrounding them.

“Hate is a strong word,” Inwoo replies smoothly, feeling the effects of years of social training by his father doing the work.

“Do you?” Dongsik repeats the question, avoiding the other’s gaze. They walk around, Dongsik not grabbing anything. Inwoo doesn’t either.

“Why would I?” Inwoo questions, eyeing the coffee drinks in front of him. They’ve stopped by the instant food and drinks and Dongsik grabs a packet of instant noodles where a red sign of “SALE” blatantly stands.

“I guess so,” Dongsik mumbles then laughs nervously. “It’s not like you’re poor or anything like that.”

Inwoo raises an eyebrow. “How do you know that?”

“Why  _ wouldn’t  _ I know? I talk to many people, you know,” Dongsik smiles at him. Inwoo knows it’s a lie, coming from the fact that he’s never seen Dongsik talk to anyone besides him and Bokyung for the few weeks he’s been here. 

Inwoo hums and picks out one of the coffee drinks. There’s no words exchanged between them as they walk towards the cashier. It’s no lunch for either of them.

“Why don’t you eat at lunch? You obviously have no money,” Inwoo states once they get outside again and Dongsik shrugs.

“What’s the point of eating here?” He pauses. “I get to eat at the store,” He says with a fake enthusiasm added to his voice. Inwoo doesn’t get why Dongsik feels the need to lie to him when his actions speak the truth. People eat to survive, but he knows there are eating disorders from the books he’s read before. He doesn’t particular care if Dongsik has one, but it would explain it all.

They get back to the classroom and Dongsik stuffs the packet of noodles in his school bag. It’s just before the bell rings again and time goes and goes and goes and goes.

Life moves on, the classes teaching things that Inwoo already knows of. The sky outside becomes darker and people’s heads are lowered down their desks, exhaustion hitting them.

At the end students are able to go home, but everybody knows it’s just more study at home. Tomorrow’s them are waiting for nothing new, expecting the same. It’s a circle of life here.

Inwoo brings a book with him as he packs his stuff, Dongsik beside him not packing anything but waiting for him instead.

“You wanna come with me, right?” Dongsik asks. “You always do anyway.”

Inwoo doesn’t respond, taking his bag and following Dongsik through the building. Bokyung is nowhere to be seen, probably gone before them. It’s quiet as they walk out, the moon shining brightly.

“You know,” Dongsik comments. “Seeing the moon isn’t that bad.”

Again, no answer from Inwoo. They continue walking down the street after getting away from the school, only the moon and street lights shining for them.

It’s nothing new for them, walking down the same street. Life ends up being the same for everyone in their own way.

Even when they enter the convenience store, even when Dongsik changes shift with a different co-worker, life feels the same.  _ What makes life different?  _ Inwoo wonders as he sits by the window and Dongsik eats his noodles. 

Nothing really makes life different unless you do something drastic. Nearly all the people Inwoo meets in his life probably lives a life that is the same until they knock on death’s door. 

There’s not many people that come in during their shift, nearly all of them eyeing Inwoo’s shiny shoes and school uniform. It’s the same type of people. They never change, even if it’s a different set of people each time. 

It’s the same for them as Dongsik changes shift with someone else 7 hours later, at 3 in the morning. It’s the same as they walk out, Dongsik waving happily at him goodbye and turning the other way, leaving Inwoo to walk home alone with the moon. 

He opens the door to his house quietly after walking home, his steps silent as he takes off his shoes and hangs his jacket.

It’s not the same when he sees his mother sitting and reading a book by the kitchen table, looking up at Inwoo when he steps inside. There’s no avoiding it.

“You’re finally home,” She says, looking at her clock. “At this time of the night.”   
  
He doesn’t answer her, his lips compressing in thought. He should’ve expected her doing this one day, but not this soon.

“Let’s go outside,” His mother says and he follows her silently outside, the chilly air hitting him differently this time. They sit on chairs set out in the garden, the wind whistling around them.

He doesn’t say anything and neither does his mother. They sit in silence while the moon slowly goes down. She continues to read her book, the moon's shine making her able to see the text. Inwoo knows that he needs to sleep, but defying his mother in moments like this will make him lose her “love” for him.

“You know,” She finally says. “I don’t get why you do it.”

“Do what?” He questions and she looks at him.

“Hang out with that boy. We all know you barely feel anything, let alone willingness to be with someone else for a long period of time,” She answers. He shrugs as an answer, despite knowing it’s impolite to do that.

His mother hums, looking away from him. “Is he a bad influence?”

“No,” Inwoo answers and she nods.

“Your father is already disappointed that you don’t see him anymore. It’s like you  _ don’t love him, _ ” She comments.

“I don’t feel love for anyone,” Inwoo answers again and she laughs, surprising him.

“Go to sleep, Inwoo,” She orders and without a word, he walks to his bedroom without looking back. It’s for the best to escape situations like this as best as he can.

The sun is already up when he goes to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IM SO SORRY FOR THE LATE CHAPTER it seems like i have no idea what to write and this time i wrote my frustrations in life into this chapter instead. i think this chapter kinda sucks but it is what it is really :( i like writing dialogue and it feels like i made their relationship move forward by this.

**Author's Note:**

> i hope you liked it!!! i'm not very confident in my writing skills :( but i love them both and have had this idea for a while.
> 
> you can reach me on twitter: @lovejlyong


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